|
IceManYah
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Aaron
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States
Birthday: 2/12/1991
Gender: Male
Interests: Golf, Tennis, Swimming, Baseball, PS2, Movies, Friends...
Expertise: Sarcasm.
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  sarCASTic011
Member Since:
9/4/2005
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| So, it's been awhile. It's hard to try and put these many, many months into one little entry to say all the things that have gone on, so I won't. There's just been too much happening to recollect everything that's gone on since Thanksgiving of last year to attempt to jot it all down for no one to read. So there. I'll just talk about the present. Well, at least I might summerize. This year was Jason and Aaron's last year of High School, while I, the baby, am still in school for another two years. I went to their graduation, but didn't cry, which should be a plus (woo!). While I'm upset that I won't sit in the same band with them, or sing in the same chorus, or have the same lunch with them again, I'm happy that they're moving on with their lives, and wish them luck with what they're doing with them. My only regret is not being able to accompany them this time. School was relatively boring, to say the least. I passed, maybe less than perfect, but nonetheless passed. I went to Jason's grad party the Saturday after school got out, and it was fun. I got to see people I might not see again, and we all enjoyed ourselves as much as possible. Jason got quite a substantial amount of graduation money and a laptop. I gave him a card. The start of the summer was pretty slow. I didn't talk to Aaron and Jason much for the first few weeks; Aaron had training and Jason was on vacation...or something. Once we got into July, however, I think we all realized that it was our last summer together, so we all picked up the slack and spent as much time as we could together. We did so much in a very short amount of time that I might not be able to recollect it all. We went to see Dream Theater and Symphony X in the same week, played Heroscape, visited Cosart Road multiple times, and Wii'ed it up until the summer was over. The summer didn't end, but ours did. Monday Aaron left for college, so I'm considering summer over. I can't say that I'm unhappy with the way we spent our time together, but I still wish we did more things that we promised to do with each other before Aaron left. Though I miss him already, he's starting a new chapter in his life, and all I can do is wish him luck with it, and hope that we visit him in a few months.
I bought a new guitar recently. My brother and his wife had a son, Braydon. He's about 4 months old now. (and yes, I group the two together) Other than most of that, I can't think of anything big enough to add. Band Camp was a joy. School starts in two weeks. And I'm still single. Oh right. Jason married Alexis Carns. I mean. They're dating. I love them both, for the record.  And now, goodnight. I'll see you, xanga, in a few months. Maybe.  | | |
|
Meh. I'm alright.
Of course, things have been better in the past, but not the recent past. Overall, it was neccesary to end it, because neither of us were happy. That's the end of that.
Last night was Kirby's bonfire, which was a lot more fun than I expected. Not that I didn't think it would be fun, but I didn't think I would enjoy myself as much as I did. While being COLD, it was still fun. I miss hanging out with that group of friends. I don't usually get invited to things from them since I broke up with Jackie, so I was happy to finally get to be with them again.
Seth, Taylor, and I upheld the sarcred tradition and took a group piss at the corner of her field. We've decided that every freshman guy that is at Kirby's bonfire must take a well-deserved piss on that field, and at least one upperclass male who has already pissed on the field must be present at the pissing, in order to instruct those less knowledgable.
Wayne and Jackie had fun on the ground. Yes, it's exactly how it sounds. Everyone was pretty uncomfortable with them, especially John, lucky guy, so Taylor threw "freezing water" (ice?) on them. In the spirit of Jackie, she got pissed, like always, and overreacted. Chill pal, you just molested Wayne in front of his brother and 20 other people, it's neccesary.
Otherwise, things were pretty unneventful. I had a good time with everyone, though, so it's all good.
After the bonfire, chilled at Steve's. Slept from 330 to 1030. Shower. Doctor. Chill. Home.
Dunno what I'm doing tonight, probly nothing. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'm going to my Aunt's with the rest of my family. We do it every year, and it's usually fun. Whatever.
On today's philosophy menu....
Sometimes I wonder why feelings change...whether it's something in the brain that convinces you that you were wrong, or just a realization that it's not the same. I'm not quite sure, but whatever it is, it happens unexpectedly. One day, you can be feeling totally into someone, and then next day not. The human being as a whole behaves in odd manners, I suppose, but the mind is the trickiest thing to grasp. It's hard to tell when feelings begin, and when they end. I also wonder whether the change in feeling is done on purpose, or if it is unconcious. You see, everything that goes on in the mind, I think, is done within reason. Every emotion and thought and feeling that occurs happens because, in some way, you want it too; whether it is a loss of feelings for someone or the gain of feelings for another. Love is blind, some may say, but I do not see it as such. Love, unlike people believe, is in fact, not blind at all. While you might not understand the feelings, or may be taken aback by them, they are completely controlled. What you feel is determined by YOU, and is not just a random feeling. If you choose not to care for someone, you won't, and if you choose to care for someone, you will. It's hard for some people to understand that they do, in reality, have CONTROL OF THEIR LIVES! It's yours to live, SO LIVE IT. It's not that hard. What you are feeling is determined by YOU, so trying to deny those feelings is a violation of your own rights. So whether you want to come to grips with your feelings or not, they are there because you want them there, and it is up to you to know how to deal with them.
uggggggh. I feel so energized after letting something like that out.
Good day, folks. Happy Thanksgiving. | | |
| Have you ever had the feeling that you were completely and utterly correct; that every bad thing that you dreaded and hoped against all hope against, but knew it would happen, happened?
It's not a good feeling.
It's been about three months. Three months since I started being upset. That's three months of pain, that I knew would happen, but couldn't stop. From the beginning, everything that I knew would go wrong, went wrong. Al l the negative aspects of our situation that I dreaded happened. Every one.
I used to enjoy being correct. Maybe that's because I never was, but that's neither here nor there. I used to enjoy being able to be right, and know that I actually was correct in something. Now, though....I wish I was wrong. All the things that I worried about...all the things that I dreaded, happened, and I was right all along. I confided in my friends, and, like the good friends they are, they told me that I was overreacting. "It's too early to worry about that,", "I"m sure things won't happen that way." Well, they happend that way alright. And I wish....just this once, that I was wrong.
Desperately wrong.
Whatever.
Life goes on.
So Thrusday was Tri-M, and will forever be known as the day I renounced "Through Her Eyes" from my vocabulary. The next person that mentions that song will die, and most painful and humiliating death. Yeah, it sucked. It was awful. I messed up one line, and it through the whole song out of proportion, losing the second and third verse. On the plus side, I found out that Lucas is the nicest guy in the entire world. Go figure.
Hung out with Dani and Liz yesterday. Went to the post-house, but didn't really feel like eating. Watched Braveheart. That movie is amazing, and so are they.
Lyrics that used to mean something
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah
Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it
...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....
| | |
| Jesus.
It's been awhile hasn't it?
No one reads these things anymore, and frankly, I don't either. Whatever, it's about time I logged away some of the trivial things going on in my life, just so I can look back in another six months and ask, "what the hell was I thinking?" just like I did when I read my last one. Turns out, the last time I put anything on here was when I was still going out with Jackie. Scary, no? I thought so. So after all these months a lot of things have changed, and some things remain the same. It evens out really.
So in the last six months, everything is new. Maybe not new in the sense that it wasn't there before, but new in the sense that everything has started over. I believe that there is an eternal cycle in life...one that is never ending, but always ending at the same time. For instance, the life that I had last year ended when I broke up with Jackie, but started the exact same day. It's a new life, even if it is the same as the old one.
Ending things with Jackie was the beginning of happiness....for a time. I guess I never really wanted a relationship with her, not that she wanted one with me. It was basically a completely physical relationship, and I broke it off before it did any more damage. Besides, our personalities didn't match. I'd like to think that I'm not a complete goof, but Jackie is. The excitement that she has in every thing that she does is amazing, but it bugged the hell out of me, and it got out of hand. Me personally, I'm not a rock. I have sentimate and energy, but not all the time. Sometimes things need to cool down, and she never did. Looking back on our relationship I realize that it was a good thing overall, but it had to end. I feel bad though, because I treated her badly...even untill very recently. I was not a nice person to her, and sometimes I do not even understand why. To finish off this bit of history I'd just like to say that I wish I was better to her, and sometimes I still wish that things were different. That's the past. On to other things.
Summer was boring. It's sad, really, looking back. To tell the truth, I don't even remember most of it. The most outstanding memories are of my loneliness. This summer I became very close to Courtney Wallace. So close, in fact, that we were very close to being a couple. However, I realized that we weren't right for each other, and that it would never work. Another lonely memory was of missing my friends. I spoke to Jason very little, and hung out with him maybe...5 times the entire summer. It just shows that no matter what you tell yourself or they tell you, your friends will never always be there. That foreboding is something I hate to face, but know I will have to come to grips with it eventually. All in all, the summer was a bust. I barely talked to anyone and nothing got accomplished. Mad props to you, Harvey. Way to waste all the free time you had.
So now comes the beginning of school. The beginning of school was especially hard for me. Not that school it self was hard, but emotionally I was struggling. At this time, I was at a new low of sadness, but I was better at controlling it. Turns out, I was crazy over another girl. Funny thing is, I had already been crazy about her once, and rejected by her once. Knowing how that felt, I let myself fall in love with her again anyway. That was august, and I felt like shit until the beginning of October. Now, you have to realize that it wasn't the fact that I wasn't close to her that was making me upset, it was the fact that I kept GETTING close to her, and all the while knew that nothing would happen. After all, she doesn't need someone like me, and I know that. She told me that once before. So why am I letting it carry me away again? Because she's amazing, that's why. I love her, and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop that. And every week we got to be closer friends, and I kept feeling worse and worse, knowing that it couldn't happen. The worst times were when it seemed like she really could like me...because when I got the slightest feeling that she didn't, I slipped back into depression. Eventually, I gave in, and asked her out. After all, I had changed since the last time. I was a different person, and I thought that she would realize that too. Of course, my luck failed me. Maybe it wasn't the luck that failed me, but she did, at least. She told me that she just had too much stuff to worry about to have a boyfriend, and I believed her. She told me that it wasn't fair for her to ask me to wait for her, even though she did like me. I told her though, that I would wait as long as it took. That week, was the best and worst week of my life. It wasn't her rejection that killed me, it was the fact that now I KNEW that she had feelings for me but couldn't date me. That's when I knew, though, that stress can never completely go away...but I could. That same week, I started dating Clare.
It's been over a month now, I believe, that we've been dating. Right now, I don't know who I'd be without her, but I probably wouldn't be happy for a while. Sometimes I wonder about our relationship, though. Although I try my best to be a good boyfriend, she's a very independant person. It's not that she keeps to herself all the time, but it's the fact that whenever she has a problem, or a feeling, she seems to keep it bottled up, even to me. Sometimes I wonder whether or not she will confide in me, if she had a problem, or how long it will take her to be open with me, or more open, I should say. It doesn't bother me that she wants to be her own person, but it bothers me because in a relationship, you have to open your heart enough to let your partner in, and while I do that with little or no hesitation, she still is wary about letting me become a part of her life, it seems. In that sense, I am constantly worrying about it, even though she makes me happier than I can ask. I care about her a great deal, and tell her enough, but sometimes I think she's still not ready.
I waited for her many times before.
As long as it takes for her to be ready...
I'll wait again.
Other trivial things have occured since I last updated, as well. I'm taking lessons with Tony Derricho now, and we're currently learning "Home" by Dream Theater. I've gotten much better since I started taking lessons, and I finally feel like I'm making progress. Jason and I are performing "Through Her Eyes" on Thurday's recital, and that should be fun. Whatever, things are always boring.
And now I'll leave you with the words of a very famous Irishman....
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
Take a photograph, it'll be the last.
Not a dollar or a crown could ever keep me here.
I don't have a past, I just have a chance.
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,
Rain, rain go away. Come again another day,
all the world is waiting for the sun.
http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/623311294 Crush Calculator! | | |
|
